


What's in the Box?

by lordavon



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), spideypool - Fandom
Genre: Because I don't know how to incorporate that, Did I mention fluff?, Fluff and Humor, Gen, MCU compliant up until the end credits scene of Far From Home, no beta reader we die like men, pure fluff, so fluffy there are stuffed toys in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-08-20 09:43:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20225776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordavon/pseuds/lordavon
Summary: Peter Parker learns who Deadpool is from watching some unusually amusing videos and decides to have some fun. (Something poor movie Peter is sorely lacking in his life.)(Italics is texting)





	1. What's a Deadpool?

Peter hesitated, the gesture tugging on MJ’s hand, caught in his. “You want to go in there?” he asked doubtfully. “It’s not very – you? Why do you want a stuffed toy?”  
‘I don’t,” she said. “You do. I’m getting you one. They have Spiderman costumes for them.”

“I need one?” he repeated, as she dropped his hand and entered the store. A small, goofy grin appeared on his face. “I need one,” he said again, and Ned rolled his eyes. 

“Dude, you are so gone.”

They followed MJ in where she was perusing the plush shells waiting to be stuffed. “I like them like this. Dead carcasses of stuffed animals.” She sighed. “They never let me buy one this way, though.” A little girl picking out a pink bunny stared at her, but she missed it. “I think we need a brown bear. Match your eyes.” Peter grinned and put his hands in his pockets, watching her happily. 

“All right.” 

She paused. “What’s this one?” She’d moved into the themed ones, looking through the Avenger-styled toys with amusement. She picked up a red and black bear shell, then looked up at the row of examples. “Deadpool? What’s a Deadpool?” She held it out to Peter, who shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

Ned already had his cell phone out and was typing in a query. “Deadpool…looks like he’s a hero who showed up during the Blip…” he told them as they crowded around him to peer at the small screen. “Well, maybe he’s a hero,” he said uncertainly as he pulled up a video clip of a masked man dressed in red and black – much like the bear Peter held in his hands – who was wearing a tutu and a unicorn pool floatie and doing a dance. The video ended with the man making a heart out of his hands and blowing kisses to the camera as the words “Dedicated to Spiderman!” scrolled on the screen.

“What?” asked Peter as Ned queued another, equally silly video. It ended the same way.

“You have an admirer,” MJ said, dropping her voice low as a third video clip started. “Does he know you’re sixteen?” She eyed Peter. “Should I be jealous?”

Ned gulped. “I don’t think he knows.” The man – Deadpool, they assumed at this point – was making a rude sexual gesture. The video ended with an invitation for Spiderman to come find him whenever he wanted. “Gross.” MJ shuddered and went back to the bears.

Peter laughed. “Yeah, weird. But you said he was a hero, too?” He was doubtful after the videos; he’d uploaded captures of his own acrobatic stunts but this was something else again.

Ned swapped screens. “Well I guess it depends on how we want to define Hero. He shoots people a lot, but it usually seems to be very bad people. I can do more digging?” He looked up at Peter, who nodded.

“Sure, and I’ll try EDITH later tonight, compare what you find to what she knows.”

“Man in the chair,” Ned whispered as MJ took her now-stuffed bear off to find a Spiderman costume for it. Peter looked down at the red-and-black bear in his hands and then, without really thinking about it, went up to get it stuffed as well. 

**

He had a good evening – stopped two muggings and one store break-in – and was celebrating by taking a break, resting on scaffolding at a construction site, texting Ned. Ned had found out quite a lot, it seemed. Deadpool was a hero – sometimes. The rest of the time, he was a mercenary for hire. Over the last few years he’d had a pretty impressive kill count, but all the data indicated he took jobs where he basically killed people who were really doing horrific things. Mostly. It was the mostly that had worried Peter, particularly when EDITH had corroborated the information, along with a pre-recorded warning from Mr. Stark to stay away no matter how amusing Deadpool might seem. It left Peter conflicted; he didn’t like being called out, but Deadpool’s actions seemed mostly on the side of right. He didn’t like knowing about the killing, but he also knew what Black Widow – there was a pang in his chest at the thought of her, still – and Hawkeye had done before being Avengers…and during. And he’d killed Mysterio; he hadn’t meant to, but he had. It wasn’t a far leap to what Deadpool was doing…just not a very good leap.

He sighed. EDITH had also known where to go to hire the merc, and Peter had spent the earlier part of the evening in stealth mode on a building across the alley from said bar, Droney in the window listening in. It didn’t really seem like the kind of place a hero hung out. It honestly didn’t look like the kind of place anyone should hang out. Peter was pretty sure things like health inspectors had never been close enough to the place to be bribed to leave it open. But Deadpool usually got his jobs here. A lot of people did.

And one thing Peter knew from both EDITH and Ned’s searches is that while Spiderman was gone and the Avengers were dealing with global issues, Deadpool decided to protect New York City in between his jobs. The one thing no one seemed to know was why the merc had taken that course of action. 

Except for his silly, sometimes obscene, video love letters to Spiderman.

_Hey Ned. I want to do something silly._

_Stupid?_

_That too, probably._

There was a pause before Ned answered.

_Silly sounds better than how our summer trip to Europe went._

Peter grinned, rolling off the scaffolding and shooting a web to the nearest building, thwipping his way towards home.

**

“Peter, I know you are trying to impress me, taking me to places with famous murders and strange happenings, but I like them more historical than this,” MJ said as she, Peter, and Ned stood outside St. Margaret’s School for Wayward Children Bar.

“No names,” he chided, hooking EDITH on his collar. “The only one here is the owner. We go in, drop the box, leave. That’s it.”

“This is not my definition of silly, man,” Ned whispered back. Peter made a little frustrated noise and pushed open the door. Ned and MJ looked at each other, looked at the street, and piled in after him. Daylight did not improve the interior of the bar at all. 

“We aren’t open asshole, come back in – what the fuck?” asked the greasy-looking guy moving chairs around as he looked up to see the three teenagers standing in his doorway.

“We just want to leave something for Deadpool!” Peter said, his voice going higher than he wanted. MJ made a squeaking noise he assumed was agreement. Ned just nodded rapidly.

“I am not a fucking post office.”

“We’ll pay.”

There was a pause.

“I can consider being a fucking post office.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My husband *may* have bought me a Deadpool Build a Bear for our anniversary and it MAY just have arrived three days ago and it MIGHT not have left my presence in the house since it arrived.
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> And as a result, I have a fluffy fic.


	2. What's in the Box?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade gets a mysterious box.

“My usual, Weasel,” Wade said, sliding onto a bar stool, adjusting the cap on his head before leaning forward. Everyone in the bar knew him, and had seen his ugly mug by now, but he couldn’t help trying to lessen his exposure. 

A cardbox box with cheerful, childish designs was dropped onto the counter in front of his face. “The fuck is this?”

“That’s what I want to know. Deadpool got a special delivery. If it’s a contact offer it’s fucked up and if it’s not a contract offer it’s even more fucked up. It’s making me feel dirty having it here. I don’t like it.”

“The box?” Wade was willing to agree. It was utterly out of place in the bar.

“Feeling.” Weasel put a drink down next to the box. “Well? Open the damn thing.”

“You haven’t looked?” Wade leaned back feeling suspicious, snuck a glance around the bar. The box was attracting attention. He didn’t like attention. 

“They paid me to deliver it unopened.” 

Okay. That was plausible. Wade took a long moment and then, shrugging, opened the box. And then squealed like a little girl, kicking his feet against the bar, balled hands going to his mouth in sheer joy. “Oh Em Gee who sent this?” he asked, digging into the box for a card.

“They paid me not to say.”

Wade stopped rummaging in the box long enough to pull out his wallet. “How much?” Weasel mumbled an amount that made Wade stop. “How much again now?” certain he hadn’t heard correctly as he was pretty sure Weasel got paid more than that for beers than for keeping silent. 

Weasel made a disgusted sound. “They came in here with eyes like fucking bambi after the hunter shot his mom. And pooled their money like meth addicts looking for a hit. It was terrifying, the way they looked at me with those pleading, puppy-dog bambi eyes.” He actually shuddered.

Wade stared at Weasel then just shook his head and put a hundred dollar bill on the table. “Traumatic,” he deadpanned, and went back into the box, finally finding the card that came with it. Opened it. Squealed so loudly the entire bar paused to glance over at him. Weasel pocketed the bill, leaning on the bar towards Wade.

“Well. I’m guessing they aren’t actually trying to hire you.”

Wade looked around before leaning in towards Weasel. “It’s from Spiderman!” he whispered. Weasel yanked the card from his hands, read the inscription, twice, and threw it back in Wade’s face. Wade carefully smoothed out the card, reading the note again. ‘To Deadpool, from Spiderman. Thanks for watching over my city while I was gone. Your videos are funny.’ The Spiderman symbol had been drawn on one corner. He put the card back in the box, making little squeaking happy sounds.

“Do you think one of them was actually him?”

Weasel rolled his eyes. “No way. Nu-unh. Three kids, Wade. KIDS. Like jailbait with eyes the size of moose balls. Like you get arrested just looking at them. No way.” 

Elbows on the bar, hands cupping his face, Wade had a dreamy look in his eyes. “Then they must know him.”

“It’s a fucking joke, Wade. Someone’s shitting you. No way Spiderman sends three kids here – here! - to deliver you a – what the hell is in the damn box anyway?”

“It’s mine!” Wade yanked the box off the counter, closing it back up. He stood and tossed another hundred on the bar. “I’m taking my box and then I’m getting dressed to find Spidey so I can thank him properly. With lots of tongue.”

Weasel just rolled his eyes as Wade stalked out of the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my Deadpool Bear.
> 
> Next update once I'm back from the World Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention in Dublin! (If you are there, please come gush about Spideypool with me, I have no local fans for the fandom to geek out with)


	3. Stalking Deadpool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Peter stalks Deadpool.
> 
> (Italics are text messages)

It had been days and days since Spiderman had sent his gift and Deadpool had gone on a nighttime anti-crime spree searching for the spider. Except no matter where he went, or who he killed, or who he rescued, the hero never showed up. He knew Spiderman was still around because the local news would air shaky cell phone video of him stopping bad guys. He just wasn’t anywhere Wade was looking.

Deadpool impaled the next mugger of the week on an alley wall with a katana out of frustration. “He isn’t anywhere!” he complained, leaning next to the corpse. “It’s quite frustrating for someone to finally get noticed by their crush and then their crush isn’t fucking around to get a proper thank you!”

The dead guy continued bleeding, although it had slowed considerably. Deadpool nodded. “Exactly! It’s like being toyed with. Oh.” He leaned into the dead guy. “Is that it, Mr. Mugger? Is he playing hard to get? Because I’m hard enough already.” He made a face and shoved the corpse. “Ew, no, not you, I’m saving myself for Spidey!” He turned, foot on the wall, and yanked his katana out, cleaning it before sheathing it. Skipped away down the street, singing loudly, “Saving myself for Spidey! Saving myself for Spidey!”

**

_Ned: There’s a new video!_

Peter fumbled his phone off his nightstand and swiped it open. Ned had pinged him and MJ.

_Peter: Link!_

Deadpool danced a tango with the plush Deadpool bear Peter had sent him. It ended with a lot of hearts and the words, “I’m looking for you, Spidey!” Peter laughed.

_Peter: He’s a goofball._

_MJ: A goofball who killed three people last night. _

She linked to a local news article about three murders. Three muggers, all of whom had been arrested previously for murder and released on technicalities. Peter frowned. 

_Peter: I don’t like the killing part. _

_Ned: Maybe you should try stopping it, then?_

He turned over in the bed, thinking about it. He did want to try stopping it. He just wasn’t sure how. And if he was going to be very honest with himself, not certain he should. Deadpool did seem to have a code of ethics. His instincts told him that Deadpool was trying to do the right thing, just badly. But Peter wasn’t sure, after the mistakes with Mysterio, that he trusted his instincts about anyone.

He yawned. There was time to figure it out. He did have other deliveries to make. 

**

The second bear was at the taco truck. Deadpool stopped to pick up several burritos and the taco guy handed him a familiar-looking box. Tacos and a Spidey-present were almost more than Wade could handle, grinning at the site of the tutu-wearing Deadpool Bear. The card had the same signature – the Spiderman symbol – and a request to stop killing the bad guys and instead leave them for the police.

Wade frowned around his second mouthful of burrito. That was going to be hard, because alive people could possibly get away, and the police weren’t all that good about showing up in the types of neighborhoods he frequented. And actually calling the police to let them know about what he done so they could pick up the criminals made him laugh out loud. The police were as likely to arrest him as anyone he caught.

Still, he thought as he peered in the box again. It was a very cute bear.

So he tried. He tried really hard not to kill the next local idiots attempting to ruin someone else’s day. Kneecapping them seemed effective enough, until one of the idiots shot him as he helped the out-of-town couple with directions. That was fucking unacceptable, and he had to go back and shoot the fuckers to make sure they stayed down. Then he gave himself a stern talking to, since he wasn’t supposed to be killing people.

It didn’t help. The next idiot shot him to start with and Deadpool decided to just behead him and be done with it. Surely not killing people didn’t apply to people actively shooting at you. Even Spiderman would agree that was justified.

Except he realized as he strolled through the twisting roads and alleys of New York that Spiderman got shot at all the time and he didn’t kill people back. That thought was bad enough that Deadpool decided to call it a night and just called Dopinder to take him back to his apartment, where he curled up on his bed in his suit and tried to sleep. If he curled up with a Deadpool stuffed toy, no one was around to know.

**

Well, no one except Droney, but Wade hadn’t spotted the spider-drone following him around the city tonight, just like he hadn’t all week. The little drone took off from the window and flitted back to Peter, two roofs away from Wade’s place. He was grateful yet again that he could follow Deadpool and even when Deadpool remembered to look up, he wouldn’t spot Spiderman because Spiderman didn’t need to be that close. 

Karen fed the images Droney had captured to Peter’s HUD and the kid frowned behind the mask. He now knew where Deadpool’s apartment was – and he felt a little guilty about that, since secret identities were important things – but he hadn’t expected Deadpool to be curled up sleeping with the bear, still in his suit. Had he known he was being watched? Why hadn’t he changed into civvies?

Puzzlement sent him across the rooftops and down the side of the merc’s apartment building to peer, upside down, into the bedroom window. Deadpool was indeed, just as Droney had captured: sleeping with an arm around the stuffed toy. In full costume. Even the mask. Hunh. Peter sat back against the wall next to the window, turning the oddity over in his mind. When he would get home, he took off his mask and suit right away. Maybe this wasn’t home? Then what was it? He risked another glance in the window, took in the furnishings, the sparsity of the place. Maybe it was a temporary home? But if so, why keep the bear – which he obviously seemed to like – in a temporary spot? Peter itched to crack open the window and crawl inside to see what else he could learn, but that would be completely foolish with the merc right there.   
Deadpool was a fascinating riddle.

Instead he swallowed, shot out his arm, and swung away as the webbing caught the building on the other side of the street. Following the mercenary hadn’t led to a lot of answers. Perhaps learning more about the man’s friends and associates would help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just back from Worldcon! I was so excited to see AO3 won a HUGO and so humbled to see how many of us in the audience stood up! Go us!


	4. How Many Boxes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool receives more bears.

Bear number three was waiting for Wade when he showed up at Blind Al’s place the next week. “Spiderman said you’d be by eventually. He said this is for you.” She thrust the box off to Wade’s right and let go; he caught it before it hit the floor. 

“When the fuck did you meet Spiderman?” Wade asked, opening the box. This one had a Deadpool bear wearing a bathrobe. He grinned at it and fished out the notecard. ‘I can tell you’re trying. Keep it up!’ 

Was Spidey…stalking him?

Spidey was stalking him! This was the best news ever!

“He helped me carry my laundry from the laundromat to here. Said he was in the neighborhood and wanted to help. Then he asked if I knew you.”

Wade looked back at Al where she’d settled onto her couch. “Me or Deadpool?”

“What, you think you’re two different people now?”

He paused and shook his head. “Spiderman.”

“You think you’re Spiderman? Fuck.”

For a moment Wade considered shooting her. “Spiderman gave you the box for Deadpool, not Wade Wilson, right?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, said it was for Deadpool. I told him you’re a douchebag and don’t need a cardboard box but he didn’t listen. He also assured me it’s not cocaine or firearms, which I said would probably disappoint you. It certainly disappointed me. He left after that.”

Wade put the box down and went to put away the groceries he’d brought over for Al. Partway through he stopped and stuck his head back into the living room. “How do you know it was Spiderman?”

“He told me he was Spiderman.” 

“Yeah, but anyone could just tell you they’re Spiderman. You’re blind; how would you know?”

“He smelled like Spiderman.” 

That made Wade pause. “How in lowest fucking reaches of hell would you know what Spiderman smells like?”

She scoffed. “He smells like you when you’ve been on rooftops, only without guns or leather.”

That was an interesting twist. Hesitantly, he sniffed at himself, even though he wasn’t dressed up as Deadpool right now. He smelled like him. Well, him needing a bath. Fuck, when was the last time he showered?

“You’re smelling yourself right now, aren’t you,” Al said. He waggled his non-existent eyebrows at her. 

“Why, you want to do it for me?”

“Asshole.”

Only once everything was in the completely wrong place in her kitchen and pantry did he scoop up the box and head to leave. “It’s been enlightening, Al,” he told her. “Stay away from Spiderman, he’s a menace.”

“Fuck you.”

He flipped her off as he shut the door behind him.

**

Bear number four was in Dopinder’s taxi. This one was in a princess dress and had a pretty fairy wand. Deadpool was going to need to get serious about this. It was one thing to have a few boxes show up. Now they were everywhere any of his associates were. 

“Dopinder, how did you get thiis?”

“Oh, Mr. Spider landed on my car roof while I was looking for a fare and tapped on the window. I nearly drove into a streetlight. When I had calmed down about nearly dying and he’d calmed down about nearly killing me, he asked me if I’d hold onto that box for you. I said of course I would because we are the very best of buds, Mr. Pool.”

Not only was he being stalked, his friends were being stalked.

Spiderman was really playing hard to get.

‘Good job not killing that mugger last night!’ read the card. Deadpool growled in frustration. No matter how much he looked, he could not find Spiderman, and yet Spiderman had not only found him but so far most of his contacts list. Wade had to admit it was impressive that he couldn’t find the hero; finding people was his job and none of the other Avengers had ever been hard to locate. It was becoming infuriating. Infuriating enough he took the next out of town gold card Weasel had. Maybe if Spidey didn’t have Deadpool around for a few days it would make the Spider show himself.

**

“Aha. Now I know why I needed to be in Albany,” purred a voice behind Deadpool as he surveilled a warehouse. “What are we doing? And don’t disappear when we’re done; I have something for you.” 

He gestured at the building. “Sex trafficking ring. You helping or just gonna pretend you can shoot luck beams from your fingertips?”

She grinned. “Oh, I’m helping. This will be totally worth the bus ticket that random person gave me earlier today.” 

A half hour later Deadpool had turned the warehouse into a bloodbath and Domino had somehow located blankets, pillows, stuffed animals and hand-held videogame consoles for the kids and young adults they had rescued. He let her call the police to come pick up both the victims and the remains of the sex trafficking organization. Deadpool went back up to his original perch, waiting for her as requested, playing a racing game on an extra console Domino had found.

“So,” she said as she dropped down to sit beside him. “Luckily for you I caught this yesterday in NYC and brought it with me.” She handed him a cardboard box, flinching when he screamed in frustration.

“Spidey…gave this to you?” Deadpool asked, yanking it from her hands but not opening it.

She shook her head, watching him carefully. “It fell into my hands yesterday. I looked up and saw him slinging overhead.” She smiled. “I did check inside and saw the note for you, so I knew we were going to be running into each other soon.”

He peered in the box. Bear number five held a plush ice cream toy. Deadpool sighed and gave in, grinning at it under his mask. “Not your fault, Doms. I’m being toyed with.” 

She hmmed at him. “You need help with that too? I’m sure I could run into Spiderman if it was really needed.”

“No…not yet. So far it’s harmless. But thanks for the offer. Remind me to put you on my Christmas list.” He held up a fist for Domino to bump. 

“X-Force….” They both intoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to up the chapter count - Chapters 4 and 5 weren't pacing well so I added an extra chapter. I hope that's okay with you all. :)


	5. Turnabout is Fair Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool stalks Spiderman back

The worst was Bear number six. That bear was sitting on his kitchen countertop. It came with a little toy taco truck. That meant Spiderman had been in his apartment. Seen his stuff. Knew where he lived.

And hadn’t stayed to say hello! Nice to meet you! Seriously what was fucking wrong with the guy?

Bear number six is what sent him back to St. Margaret’s before the bar opened for business. “Weasel, I need your fucking bribery footage of the day the kids dropped off that damn b-box.” He swallowed and corrected before admitting he’d received a stuffed bear. He wasn’t entirely sure why. No, he knew; it was something between him and Spidey.

“Can’t help you.”

“Look I ain’t gonna hurt them, I just want to know how they know Spiderman.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t help you because I don’t have any footage from when they were here. Must’ve had some jammers or something on them because all my cameras from that time are fucking blank.”

Wade frowned. “Why didn’t you mention it?”

“You never asked before.”

“Fuck.” He ran a hand over the back of his head. “How do three bambi-eyed kids get jammers that take out your equipment?”

Weasel thought about that. “That’s a good question.”

“No shit.”

Weasel shrugged. “Maybe they do know Spiderman and he gave them something?”

“Aha! So you admit they could know Spiderman! Get me their names and locations, Weasel.”

Weasel gestured him into the back rooms and sat down at his computer. “Let’s see if any of the local traffic cams are working nearby,” he mumbled, as Wade leaned against the wall. This was what Wease was actually good at, and Wade saw no reason to interrupt. “Aha, found you fuckers. Okay, so let’s look for anything identifying…”

Twenty minutes later, Weasel handed him printouts of a yearbook from Midtown School of Science and Technology. “Those three,” he said, pointing to the pictures. “There’s the little fucks.” Another printout, this time of the school students records. “And there’s their addresses.”

“You are the absolute best, Weasel,” Wade told him, dropping a wad of cash on the table for him. 

**

“Hello, boys and girls!”

Deadpool sat down at the picnic table in Central Park where the three Children of Interest were studying. He picked up one of the books, leafing through it, not really looking. “Sorry to interrupt study time, but it’s summer, why the hell are you kids studying when you should be out riding bicycles or flying kites? For that matter, aren’t you all supposed to be geniuses? Why the hell are you studying?”

By the time he was done talking the kids had gotten past Phase One: startled screaming and were well into Phase Two: edging back and looking at each other in panic. One kid was already on Phase 3: latching onto the other people for misplaced safety.

“Okay, children.” Deadpool looked at the table full of kids. They clumped closer together. “I need you to send a message to Spiderman for me.” He reached into a belt pouch and pulled out a glittery, sparkling envelope. “Now, now, no peeking!” he warned as he held it out. After a moment the taller kid took it from his hand. “Great! That’ll get to him?”

The three kids nodded.

“Wonderful, so nice meeting you all, MJ, Peter, Ned.”

They all flinched.

“Oh shit, did that sound threatening? I didn’t mean to make it sound threatening! I just haven’t actually met people who know Spiderman before!” He grinned through the mask. “I am a super-huge fan! Oh, fuck, I didn’t mean to say Shit. Shit! I told myself I wasn’t going to swear in front of kids. Bad Deadpool. BAD Deadpool!” He got up. “Fuck, I’m leaving before I make this worse. Make sure he gets that letter! And that’s not a threat!”

Deadpool bounded off, swearing at himself the whole way.

Peter shoved the letter in his bookbag.

MJ and Ned waited until Deadpool was out of sight before turning on Peter. 

“What the hell, Peter?”

“That was Deadpool!”

Peter put his head in his hands. “I may have kept sending him bears,” he said, voice cracking. He peeked through his fingers at them. 

“You what?!”

“Why?!”

He made a strangled noise in his throat. “I was investigating him and his friends because there’s no one around I can trust to vet people now…now that….” He took a deep breath. “Now that Mr. Stark and the Avengers I know are gone. And he’s been patrolling the city like I do. I wanted to know what I might run into. So I was investigating him and it seemed like a good idea to just leave presents with his friends for him as if Spiderman was having fun? Instead of making it look like Spiderman was studying him and his friends? Teasing him like he does me in his videos? I don’t know it made sense at the time!”

MJ twirled a pencil. “Now he knows our names.” There was an odd note in her voice and a strange look in her eyes that Peter couldn’t place.

He slumped to the table, watching her. “I know, I know. I’ll fix it.”

“It’s kind of cool.”

Both Ned and Peter gaped at her. “What?” They asked in unison. 

She dropped the pen. “Well, he’s a serial killer of extremely bad people. And he knows my name!” Her eyes looked almost dreamy at the idea and Peter felt an odd pang in his chest.

“That’s not normally a good thing,” Ned protested. 

“What’s the letter say?” MJ asked, ignoring Ned’s statement.

Peter shrugged. “I don’t want to open it here. In case he’s watching.”

** 

Once back home he pulled out the letter and spun it in his hands several times, letting the glittery “To: Spiderman!” shed everywhere, before finally opening it. More glitter, and confetti shaped like unicorns, fell out and he started laughing despite himself. The card inside gave only a date, a time, and a location, with the words, “Rooftop.”

“Right,” Peter said to himself. “I can fix this.”


	6. Bad Deadpool

Two days later he was swinging through the city, one bear box awkwardly sticking out of his backpack, hoping he didn’t drop it like the last one. He wanted to get to the rooftop early. He figured Deadpool might do the same thing, but it was worth a shot.

He had managed to be first, but only because Deadpool had to scale up the side of the building by the fire escape. Peter sat on the edge of the rooftop with his cardboard boxed bear and waited, listening to the climb on the other edge. More importantly, listening to his other sense.

His spider-tingle hadn’t gone off in the park when Deadpool had just sat down. It was why he’d jumped as much as Ned and MJ. And it wasn’t active now. Which meant, at the very least, Deadpool didn’t mean him immediate harm.

He stood up when he heard the other hero pull himself onto the roof, and realized part of the delay in climbing had been that Deadpool had brought dinner. “Oh Em Gee. They really got the letter to you. You actually came!” He ran over as if he might hug Spiderman, stopping only as Peter took a step back. Instead he held out the bag. “I brought dinner!”

Peter swallowed. “I brought you the last, uh, bear. I hadn’t decided how to gift it to you yet.”

Deadpool’s arm dropped to his side and he got so quiet that Peter wondered what he’d said when the older man swore. “Fuck! How old are you? Twelve?”

“I’m sixteen!” 

“Sixteen? Sixteen! How is that fucking better?” He brought his hands to his head, the taco bag dropping, and Peter snagged it with a web before it could hit the rooftop. “Do you have any idea how - Fuck! Fuck fuck fuckity fuck! I am going to hell, I’m going straight to hell, I will not pass go, I will not collect $200.” He spun and pointed an accusing finger at Peter, who took another step back. “Why the hell aren’t you legal? Who the fuck is letting a teenager run around the city webbing up bad guys dressed in skintight spandex looking so edible – DAMMIT. BAD DEADPOOL. BAD.”

“There – there was a blip?” he offered.

“There was a – oh hell, yeah, you disappeared. Fuck that sucks, hunh? I bet you’re no happier you aren’t twenty-one than I am you aren’t.”

Peter gave a little shake as the mercenary abruptly switched gears. He watched as Deadpool walked over and sat down on the edge of the rooftop and reached up for the bag. “Dinner, kid. Sit. Eat with me.”

Gingerly, Peter sat down, putting the box to the side, and handing over the bag. Deadpool pulled out two tacos and offered them to Peter. He took them, sending the command that made the suit pull back the mask, just enough so his mouth was exposed and he could bit into the taco. Deadpool did the same, pulling his own mask up slightly, and the eye-lenses of the suit widened at the scarring he could see on the man. Deadpool glanced at him and shrugged, acting nonchalant, but Peter could see how tense he was. “Yeah, I look pretty freaky.”

Peter got his reactions under control. “I met a woman with antenna growing out of her head. And a big guy who was blueish-gray with scarring all over his body. In kinda circular patterns. And I know a woman who literally glows.”

Deadpool considered that a moment, still tense. “So I’m not the ugliest thing you’ve seen?”

Peter shook his head. “I get freakier things than you in my breakfast cereal?” he quipped. “Honestly, I thought the crazy insect lady was going to eat me and then lay eggs in me when I met her. But she turned out nice. Just alien.” He had to hide a smile as he watched Deadpool relax, ever so minutely, and breathed an internal sigh of relief that he hadn’t reacted poorly.

“So…what’s up with leaving me bears all over New York?”

“I – I saw the bear in the store and had to look up what a Deadpool was. Then I realized you’d been picking up for me while I was – was – during the blip. It was a thank-you. It might have gotten out of hand, but you kept making videos, and they were funny, so I kept…getting more bears?”

“You liked my videos? Spiderman liked my videos!” Then Deadpool facepalmed. “Ugh, kid, the propositions were – I didn’t know you were underage.”

That was serious? Peter barely kept from blurting that out, and was grateful the mask hid the blush he could feel spreading across his face. Instead, he managed, “I have a girlfriend, too.”

Deadpool rolled his eyes. “You’re sixteen, girlfriends at sixteen rarely last. I can hope. For two more years. Argh.” He bit his hand. “Bad Deadpool.”

“Seventeen’s the legal age of consent in New York?”

“That is NOT HELPING Spiderman!” Deadpool shouted, and Peter held up his hands.

“Okay, okay, sorry! Just at least you won’t have to feel as guilty?”

Deadpool stared at him before he burst out laughing. “I won’t have to feel as guilty. Oh, that’s a good one kid. Okay, why’d you show up to the date? I mean meeting. Meeting, not date. Fuck me. Well not yet. In two years.” Deadpool brought his hands to his forehead. “Never mind. Just tell me why you avoided me in the first place?”

Peter answered the second one first, blushing slightly as Deadpool stammered. “I wanted to know more about you. The last person I thought was a good guy turned out to be a very bad guy. I made a lot of mistakes. I thought maybe I should actually try finding out more about you before I made a decision. And – what records I could find about you, you aren’t always a good guy, so I wanted to be extra careful before I decided if I wanted to meet you. Or decided what I was going to do if we both ended up at the same crime scene.”

“Shit, that actually is pretty smart.”

“Sixteen not stupid. I do learn.” Peter took another breath. “And I came because I wanted to meet you, and because you threatened my friends.”

“Oh, fuck no, I did not threaten them, I told them that was not a threat! It sounded like one but that was an accident, Spidey. I promise. I don’t do kids.” Peter waited, and Deadpool caught up to what he said. “Fuck.”

Peter laughed. “I know what you meant.”

“So tell me again how you wanted to meet me, Spiderman.” 

Peter laughed again, deciding that Deadpool was not going to be able to stop flirting. At least he wasn’t making obscene offers. He could handle this. “You protected the city. You tried to stop killing everyone, just because I asked. I – “ Another breath. “I think I can trust you. So we’re gonna make a deal.”

“I’m listening.”

“I’m not going to interfere with your contract work. You kill bad people. I don’t like the killing, but some of those people, I’m not naïve enough to think they will ever see justice. But – you aren’t going to kill people in front of me, and I’d like you to try to avoid killing people in general. And you’ll help me protect my friends – and I will help protect your friends. Oh, and my girlfriend wants your autograph.”

“All of that, hunh? And what do I get out of this deal, kid?”

“What do you want?”

Peter watched Deadpool’s mask eyes widen and the man moaned. “Kid, you are killing me here. Don’t make offers like that or I’m gonna – DAMMIT! Bad Deadpool!” He pulled out a gun, flailed about a moment with it like he couldn’t decide what to shoot, and reholstered it.

Peter swallowed, but the spider-tingle stayed completely quiet while Deadpool waved the gun around. That made up his mind. He let the mask retract all the way. Stuck out his hand. “Hi. I’m Peter Parker. Nice to meet you.” He waited, knowing Deadpool would recognize him from the park.

“Well, I suppose that explains how the kids know Spiderman,” Deadpool tilted his head. “I want to go on patrol with you. Get to beat folks up together. It’s not as good as getting to fuck you but at least it’s legal.” Another pause, as he watched Peter’s face turn scarlet. “Okay, actually, I think being vigilantes is illegal but you know what I mean. Is it a deal?”

Peter nodded, trying not to think of Deadpool and him having sex, and kept his hand out. “It’d be nice to have someone with me on patrol.”

Deadpool grinned, and Peter wondered how the mask was so expressive. “Hi Peter Parker. I’m Wade Wilson. It’s nice to meet you too.” Wade shook his hand. “Now gimme my bear.”

Peter breathed out in relief that Wade didn’t seem to care they’d already met and handed over the box. Any disappointment he had that the man hadn’t taken off his own mask fully was banished when Wade squeaked as he opened the box. It was the cutest thing Peter had ever heard and made him wish he’d had a chance to see Wade’s reactions to the other bears. “Oh Em Gee it’s you! You gave me a you!” Deadpool pulled out a brown bear wearing the Spiderman costume. “I cannot wait to sleep with this!”

The mask’s eyes widened as he heard what he said, and Deadpool looked at Spiderman. Peter leaned over and thwapped him on the head. 

“Bad Deadpool!” he admonished, before bursting into giggles. After a moment, Deadpool joined him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it for my incredibly fluffy story, brought about by the Deadpool Build-a-Bears. I truly hope it made you smile.

**Author's Note:**

> My husband *may* have bought me a Deadpool Build a Bear for our anniversary and it MAY just have arrived three days ago and it MIGHT not have left my presence in the house since it arrived. 
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> And as a result, I have a fluffy fic.


End file.
